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" .... you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am Yahweh." Lev 19:18b
In our different backgrounds and cultures, a lot of us have been taught the value of forgiveness, that it is important to forgive another person when they do wrong. For those of us from a church background, it is stressed a lot that we must forgive if we want the Almighty to forgive us. As the phrase "forgive us, as we forgive those who sin against us" or "forgive our debts, as we forgive our debtors". There is nothing really wrong with this, since it is part of love, the love we need to make our world a better place.
But it is only one half of the love that we should give to our fellow humans. To be in the place to forgive, we are in a superior place to the one who has wronged us. It is up to us if we forgive or not, since we have all the power. I guess I never knew it before, but it is a power that can be abused or used like a drug. It can turn into a source of pride where you think that people should notice that you are a forgiving person, and thus you are a better person. But as I say, there is a half that hasn’t been given as much exposure that I think could use some right about now.
The above phrase is taken from Psalm 37:11. What does it have to do with what I’m talking about now?
Well, I think on one side of the coin we have forgiveness, but on the other side of the coin we have apologizing. When we are wronged, we should forgive. But what about when WE do the wrong? What should happen then?
The word "meek" means "humble in spirit or manner; suggesting retiring mildness or even cowed submissiveness". Humble is a character trait "marked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful". Those are the English definitions.
Just to add a bit more insight, I’ll provide the Hebrew definitions. The word is "anaw" (Strongs number 6035, linked with 6041) coming from the verb anah (number 6031) meaning to depress in mind or circumstances, and thus figuratively speaks of lowliness of mind and attitude (as opposed to the high-mindedness of the proud and arrogant).
In this frame of mind, you see others as better than yourself. Don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t make you a pushover. You still need to have your standards of righteousness. But you make yourself a servant of others.
I think in this day and age where individuality and individual fulfilment at the expense of other people prevail in our society, people don’t really like the idea of being a servant. My natural inclination would be "what’s in it for me?" But as the rabbinical statement says, it is better to be a servant who serves out of love, than a servant who just does things to get a reward. That is the mind of humility. (Pirkei Avos 1:3)
Now what does servant-hood have to do with apologizing? Well, once you have offended someone, you are in the position of a debtor, someone who owes the other person. An offence is where you cause someone a loss, either by simply hurting his or her feelings, or destroying something of value that belongs to someone else (still, probably has the same effect of hurting someone though). With you being responsible for the fault, you have to somehow make up for it. Thus you are in debt, and the person you owe has some power over you.
Now once you understand that you have done someone a wrong, what next? For those who "love their neighbour as themselves" they realise that they wouldn’t like to be wronged. He or she would find the person they’ve wronged and show the person that he or she has acknowledged the wrong, seen how serious it is, and showing a humble willingness to make up for it. That’s love. Love is where you see a person hurting, and you want to take the hurt away and for them to be happier. Love is where you see that you are not just responsible for yourself, but for those you come in contact with (the sense of community that is so lost today), and that sense of responsibility causes you to make right any wrong that you have done. By community, I’m talking about the human community, not just those who agree with you in doctrine. Love is active, not just a passive feeling. Love is alive.
But what about the time when you hurt a person and you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong?
Have you ever gone through those times when you felt that no one really understood you, where you try to communicate to someone and they just didn’t see what you were talking about? Did the fact that the other person couldn’t see or understand what you were trying to convey make your feelings or ideas less real, less important? No! Especially when it is something that you believe passionately, or know intimately, just because the other person doesn’t see it, that doesn’t make it any less real or important.
A woman had just lost her husband to cancer. They were so much in love and were so committed to each other. "He was my best friend", she would say with a sad look. One of the only mementos she had of him was a rose that stood in her front garden. Oh, it seemed like a bit of him was alive when she looked at that rose. But one afternoon, a couple of school-kids were passing by kicking around a football. Yep, you guessed it. One foolish kick and the rose was dead. Of course one of the kids had to come along and get the ball from the bush where the ball had fallen and where the rose once grew. As far as he could see, he was just rummaging through some old weeds to get to his ball. The widow, seeing all this, ran out, shouting through her tears. The boy thought to himself "all this fuss over some weeds". He had no idea what all the fuss was over. Even when the widow tried to put herself across to him showing him how important that rose, one of the last pieces of her husband’s memory, was, the boy still couldn’t see what the fuss was. A bush is a bush. Who cares? It’s just a stupid bush.
I know this is an extreme case, but put yourself NOT in the widow’s shoes, but in the boy’s shoes.
"I can’t understand what this woman is so upset about. I’m sure she’s got other stuff in that house to give her some pleasure. Why fuss over this? What is her problem? I didn’t mess up her bush that much."
I’m sure some would think that the boy is selfish, but think about it! Isn’t this widow over-reacting a bit? A rose in a bush? Couldn’t she think of something better to look at, to have as a memento? Plants die all the time, and it would have died anyway. Didn’t she put just a bit too much value on that rose?
Sometimes we hurt people, and we can’t see what we’ve done wrong. What would a humble person do? What would a loving person think? Just because I cannot see the wrong I’ve done, does that mean I’ve done no wrong?
When I pray during the day, I ask the Almighty to forgive for the sins that I’ve committed. I know there are some sins that I didn’t know of, but just to make things right, I ask forgiveness for the wrongs I do in ignorance. I hope he would show me them so that I could understand and learn from them. Should we not give the same courtesy to our fellow human beings who we see from day to day?
Is there anyone that is telepathic, who can read minds? No (well, there may be, but I don’t know about it)! Do we all feel exactly the same way about everything? Or do we have different likes AND DISLIKES? What may seem ok to you may not be nice at all to me. You may like to tell some jokes that get quite personal. But to me, you’re laughing at me, and I don’t like it. For that time, forget about yourself and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Don’t think so much, "this is how I feel", but "how does he or she feel?" Remember this also when you are hurt, when you feel like you’ve been hurt and wronged. The other person may feel hurt and wronged too. Slow down, forget selfishness and pride, and build the bridges of peace.
As righteous as you may feel, remember to be humble, humble enough to know that we all make mistakes, and hurt each other, humble enough to know that we don’t see or know everything, and that someone may not feel the same way about things than we do. And we should be humble enough to say sorry, and apologise for the things we see and understand, and the things we don’t see or understand.
As I say, being humble shouldn’t make you a pushover. Know that is right and wrong. But humility and love know that just like a soft word can turn away anger (Prov 15:1), it can also heal a heart that has secretly been broken.
Let us learn to forgive and to apologise, and make this world just that bit better to live in.
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